We wait...

I know I am long overdue in updating everyone about our adoption.  The truth is, I just don’t know what to say.  We are at a standstill, because the region Constance is in has temporarily stopped working with American families.  No one knows when they will reopen and that is the hardest part.   We found out in January that they were closing down, but they said they would reopen at the end of February.  Then, about a month ago, we found out about the newest moratorium.  We don’t know if it will be weeks, months or even longer. 

   

Like I said, the hardest part is the uncertainty.  At this point, we will continue to wait until we hear something further.  We do not feel comfortable fundraising at this time, as we are unsure what the future holds for our adoption.  If they reopen, we will fundraise in full force, but for now we wait.  We are holding off submitting our court dossier and any money to our agency until we know they have reopened. 

We are trusting that God has a plan for our family, whatever that might look like. 

Help break us out!

On January 1st, I posted about our fundraising needs for our second trip.  I also announced that, as we raised money, I would slowly reveal the only picture of Michael and I with Constance.  For each $35 raised, I would remove one of the 110 locks and keys I have covered the picture with.

Today, I am happy to announce that I have removed 42 of them.  I went to my parent’s house a few nights ago and my mom handed me a letter that someone had sent to me at her house.  It was from the mom of a friend of ours.  She had very generously donated $1,000!!!  I was shocked and thrilled.  Thank you very much, V.  We are blown away by your generosity!

The remaining money comes from items we have sold on etsy, cupcakes one of the teachers at our academy sold to raise funds, and money Michael’s siblings all chipped in and gave us at Christmas.  We are SO grateful for these funds, as well!

So, we still have a long way to go and I am hoping we can throw away a few more locks and keys TODAY!  Would you be willing to donate some money to help us bring Constance home?  Any amount will be so helpful.  If you can’t give $35, then your money will be combined with a donation from someone else.  In fact, I have $20 leftover, just hanging out waiting for another $15.  If you can give $15, I can combine it with the $20 and remove another key!  There is a ChipIn link on the side.  Thank you so much for all of your contributions and encouragement.  We really appreciate it!

Here is the updated image, with 42 less locks and keys covering us up!

We need YOUR help to break us out!

Under lock and key

Now that we are back at home and over the jet lag, it is time for us to begin preparing for our second trip.  This trip should happen in March (we hope).  There are several factors that will determine the timeline.  The first is our court dossier, which means more paperwork!  We can’t submit our dossier without our USCIS clearance, which we are still waiting on.  I am hoping to be able to send the completed dossier to our agency in late January or early February.  Please pray for all of the paperwork to come together as quickly as possible.

On the second trip, we will appear in court and a judge will decide if she thinks we will be the best fit for Constance.  Before we take our second trip, we need to fundraise more money!  We are so incredibly grateful for all of the support and financial contributions we have had up to this point.  We could NOT have done it without you.  We have been working hard selling items in our etsy shop, but there is no way our work alone would have gotten us to this point.  Thank you!

If you are interested in helping us with our second trip, we would be so very appreciative.  We think this trip will cost around $12,000.  Again, this is just an estimate and it will depend upon the cost of flights, hotel, etc.  We still have about $6,000 coming from a matching grant, once we raise $6,000 ourselves, plus another $1,000 that will be paid to Helping Hands in the 8% fees they charge.  So, we need to raise $7,000 for our second trip and $6,000 of that will be matched.  We will then have to raise another $11,000 or so for our final trip.  Then…we will be done!

You can donate through our ChipIn link on the sidebar and we will send the money to Helping Hands or you can donate to them directly.  Again, if you donate to them directly we will not know the amount of your donation.  They will not give us that information.  We only know the total amount donated by everyone.  If you want to make a tax deductible donation, please donate through Helping Hands.  You can also order items through our etsy shop and get something in return!

So, here is a little incentive.  In my email this week I received a copy of the only picture taken of Michael, Constance and myself.  I will slowly reveal portions of the pictures as we raise money, but the complete photo won’t be unveiled until we have raised $3,850.  That is a little over half of what we need to personally raise for our second trip. 

Please spread the word.  $7, 000 is a lot of money, but it isn’t impossible and it can quickly be raised with many people giving small to medium amounts.  We want to bring our sweet girl home!

So for now, the picture is under lock and key, literally.  There are 110 locks and keys covering the picture.  For every $35 raised, I will remove one lock or key.  You will gradually get to see the progress and eventually the entire picture will be revealed.  The donations can come to us in any of the following ways: ChipIn, Helping Hands, Etsy sales or through money given to us in person (if you know us).  Any donation amount will be so helpful.  We know not everyone has $35 to donate.  We would be so grateful for any amount small or large.

If you donate through Helping Hands, and don’t mind leaving a comment here letting us know how much you gave, that would be great.  We would love to be able to thank you and start removing locks and keys as soon as possible!

Here it is...

Thank you for helping us bring Constance home!

Day 6: Last day with Constance

Today when we arrived at the orphanage (I’m switching to calling it an orphanage, instead of an institution, because it seems easier and more appropriate), we found Constance in her classroom with her groupa.  They let us take her into the room where they were preparing for a New Year’s celebration.  All of the other kids were getting into costume, but she wasn’t participating due to her illness.  We are so glad she was feeling well enough that we could spend some time with her.  Thanks for all of the prayers!

We set her on a chair and gave her a couple of toys.  She is quick to push away anything that doesn’t appeal to her!  We gave her a little shaker, which is part of a four piece set that connects and makes a tambourine-like instrument.  She seemed to really enjoy it.  She kept shaking and shaking it.

Here is a video of her with the shaker:

We moved her to the floor and got out a toy laptop that has buttons, makes sounds and lights up.  We showed this to her on Tuesday, but she didn’t seem to like how loud it is.  She enjoyed it today.  However, all she wanted to do was hit her shaker against it and push the buttons that way.

I love her expression in this picture.  She looks like she just can't believe what she is seeing!

This is when she discovered how fun it was to hit the laptop with her shaker!

After a few minutes, the other kids entered wearing their bright costumes and began sitting in the rows of chairs.  We moved to the couch at the back of the room and continued to play with the laptop.  Here is a video of it:



I got out a plastic toy animal, which clicks if you turn the head, arms or legs.  She must have liked it, because she kept putting my hand on it so I would turn it.  I thought this was great, because even though she doesn’t talk, she was communicating what she wanted.  We played with it for a while.

As the festivities began, she wanted to get up, so we moved to the side so she could see better.  At one point she got up and participated.  She looked so tiny walking in the circle with everyone.  She “danced” with one of the caregivers in the center and I think it really wore her out.

After that she started to get a little restless and fussy.  At one point, the caregivers took she and Michael up there to toss balls around.  She didn't want to have anything to do with it.

After that, we took her out in the hallway and our facilitator tried to take her passport picture.  She would not look at the camera or be still.  She just kept putting her hands over her face and crying.  It was really sad.  She was so tired and overwhelmed.  She seems to get really overwhelmed around large groups of people and places with a lot of noise. Our facilitator told us to say our goodbyes and we took her from the caregiver and tried to give her a hug, but she was very upset.  It wasn’t the goodbye we were hoping for.

We asked the director and another caregiver (through our facilitator who translated for us) if she gets upset a lot or if it was because she was sick.  They said she is normally very quiet and easygoing.  She likes to play and attaches well to others.  They said she is cautious around new people, but attaches well once she realizes it is okay.  This is great news, really.  In adoption, you worry about your child attaching too easily to anyone, including strangers.

After we spoke to them we left and headed back into the city.  Michael and I went to the restauarant a couple of blocks away and ventured down to the area that has several shops.  We had a good evening and it was good to get out of our hotel room.

We are sad to leave here, because we feel like we really did not get to spend enough time with her, for all three of us to start bonding.  We came all this way and spent less than two hours with her.  It’s a bummer.  We know we need to spend more time with her when we are back for court.  I don’t want to traumatize her on our third trip when we take her away from what she knows FOREVER! 

We leave our hotel at 3:30 am and our flight out of here is at 5:55 am.  We have an almost 10 hour layover in Munich, which we are really not looking forward to.  Please pray for safe travels and for all of our flights to be on time.  We are really looking forward to seeing Sophia and the rest of our family.  We get in at almost midnight and poor Michael has to leave for work at 8:00 am the next morning. 

Oh, one more thing.  We asked the director what she could use in the form of donations.  She said they never have enough shoes or clothes.  This is obvious, since Constance has been in the same outfit for the last three days (or longer).  They can only accept donations of NEW clothing and shoes.  If you are interested in donating, please let me know.  We will also be collecting donations to cover the extra luggage fees.  Everything is more expensive here, for the most part, than it is in the US.  It makes more sense to collect the items at home and bring them with us.  Start checking the sales racks!  She is in a northern city that has very cold temperatures.  The orphanage is pretty warm, so long sleeve shirts and pants would be fine.  We will be going back in March or April, so I can also find out what they dress them in during the summer months.  We would so appreciate your donations!

So long, for now!

Day 5: Sick baby

Our day did not go as planned.  We got to the institution and saw miss Constance sitting with her caregiver and lying on her chest.  They told us that after we left yesterday that she came down with a high fever.  They gave her a shot to help her feel better.

We had an appointment set up to talk to the doctor and they brought her in to snuggle with us during the meeting.  Poor baby.  She really did not feel well and she was SO hot to touch. 

The doctor went through a bit of her medical history.  She does have a congenital heart defect (this is not unusual for kids with DS), but the doctor doesn’t believe she needs surgery at the moment.  She will need to be monitored by a cardiologist once we return home.  She said she does not have any digestive issues and has not been hospitalized.  She confirmed the great strides she has seen in Constance since she arrived at the institution, including growing in height.  She said she understands commands spoken to her and will respond with grunts and gestures, but will not respond with words.  I really hope a family and lots of therapy will help develop her verbal communication.

At the end of the meeting, the doctor told us she wanted Constance to go rest in her bed.  We would have loved to hold her longer than 15 minutes, especially since we only have one day left with her. However, we understood that we needed to respect their wishes. They took her to her room and we watched from the hall as they changed her clothes and tucked her in.  She is actually not in a crib at all, but in a bed with cheerful bedding!  

After that, Michael took a few pictures of the  inside of the institution.

This hallway has doors that lead to the bedrooms, classrooms and a room with a stage and piano.

The color on this picture isn't good, but I wanted to show the Christmas decorations.  I love that they have taken the time to decorate!

The scary 100 year old stairs.  The rise and run of these stairs varies as you walk down, making it a little treacherous.

When we arrived yesterday we noticed a trophy case and wondered what they were from.  Today we learned they were from paraolympics and they also learn a dance and take those to a small competition (Michael doesn't think she said anything about dance, but I do.  I will clarify tomorrow). 

They also learn to make beautiful, intricate beadwork.  I was very impressed by this!

After we left the institution, we went to the notary’s office to have our referral agreement notarized.  This paper states that we intend to adopt Constance and also includes a signature from the director at the institution.  Our facilitator told us that notaries in this country are very important and have to take many classes on the legal system. 

After we got back to the hotel, we decided to walk down to a restaurant to eat.  We also walked down to the grocery store to get a few things.  It was our first time out by ourselves, because the past two days we have fallen asleep in the middle of the afternoon.  Michael really wanted to go eat somewhere, so I am falling asleep as I am writing this, instead! (I actually typed this a couple of hours ago and just woke up!)

Please pray that Constance feels better, especially by tomorrow.  We obviously want her to feel better, but we also want to have the chance to spend time with her on our last day.  Most families have four days with their child.  We missed a day, because we had to get our medical exams completed on this trip.  We must submit pictures of us with her with our court documents.  I would like to have more than we do.  We miss her already and long for some time with her tomorrow.

Day 4: Meeting Constance

We left our hotel at 8:45 am and drove to a town outside of the large metro area where we are staying.  It was about an hour drive to the social worker’s office.  We picked her up and she accompanied us to the institution.  The town she is in is very nice, but the institution looked old and run down as we drove up.  It brought all our fears to the front of our minds.  Michael said, “old and run down is an understatement.  It looked like something out of a Tim Burton movie!”

We got out of the car and walked to the front door.  The social worker rang the bell a couple of times as we waited.  When we entered there were two sets of stairs leading to either side of the building.  It was a nicer inside.  We were led upstairs to briefly talk to the director.  She told us that ‘Constance’ (remember that isn’t her real name), was a very sweet girl and sociable.  They would be very sad to see her go.  After a few minutes we all got up and they took us to her groupa (the group of children she is with all day).  The director, facilitator and social worker were talking quickly and we were still standing in the hall.  Our facilitator asked if we saw her and they brought her over to us.  She immediately burst into tears.  She was so scared and upset.  We were so sad for her.  They told us that she was upset, because they had taken her away from the toys.  We tried to give her one of the toys we brought with us, but she didn’t want it.  She cried and clung to her caregiver.  She eventually put her down and Constance went in the corner and pulled a little car in front of her to hide herself.  She stayed there and cried.  Our hearts were so sad for her.  They bribed her out of the corner with a little cookie and they put her shoes on. 

We followed them down the hall and down the long set of stairs and back up another, to the other side of the building.  They took her to a room full of toys, I assume they use it for therapy.  The walls were padded half way up and the rest was covered in pleated fabric.  They dimmed the lights and turned on a disco ball.  She looked up at the lights and seemed to enjoy them. The caregiver played with her for a bit and we sat and watched for a few minutes.  I got on the floor and tried to let her warm up to me.  All of a sudden she just came over and gave me a big hug and snuggled in.  It was very sweet.  She sat in my lap for a minute or two and then moved over to Michael’s.  From then on, she preferred to be snuggling with her daddy, over me.  I was fine with it.  His heart was melting and I loved watching it.  When we first started interacting with her, she was grinding her teeth horribly and her chin was quivering.  She was making quick movements with her mouth and lips, as well.  After about 15 minutes, she stopped. 

 

She really likes toys with strings. She brought a little stuffed mouse with her from her groupa that had a little string for the tail.  She likes dangling it in front of her. She didn’t like toys with noise and would shove away any other toys we presented to her.  I found a little string with plastic shapes on it and showed it to her.  She would play with it for a bit and then go back to her mouse.  Each time she would hand me the other toy to hold, in kind of a bossy way.  It was cute and reminded me of a bossy two year old I know. ;)

After about 30 minutes of snuggling and a little bit of playing, she began to really loosen up.  Michael started to tickle her and finally got her to laugh.   She has a very cute laugh.  As she became more comfortable with us, she wanted us to pick her up and tickle her.  She would lean her head way back and laugh.  For some reason, she started smacking us in the face with her string toy with plastic shapes on it.  She thought it was very funny.  Again, this completely reminded me of something Sophie would think was hysterical. 

Constance smacking me in the face with her toy



Michael's turn to be hit!

Tickle time!

After about an hour of being with her, they said it was time for her to go back to her groupa.  We agreed that she was getting tired.  The room was really, really hot, so we were ready too.  Michael carried her down the stairs and back up the other side.  We stood in the hall for a bit and she wanted everyone to pick her up, so she could give them a hug.  She went back to her groupa and we went back to meet with the director.

There were SO many answers to prayers today.  We had been hoping and praying that she would be in a place that was better than what we had heard about and imagined.  This institution was so much better than we had hoped.  Her groupa was sitting in a classroom at desks or playing with toys on the floor.  No one was tied to a crib.  We had prayed that she would have a caregiver who loved her.  It was very evident that she did.  Our facilitator mentioned that too, after we left.  She said that she loved the caregiver and it was obvious that she was very loved.  Just what we had prayed for!  In our meeting with the director we learned that she has made a lot of progress in the last six months at this institution.  Our facilitator said when she saw her in the spring that she was crawling, but not walking.  She now walks, can feed herself with a spoon and chews very well.  Apparently, it is difficult for many children with Down syndrome to chew.  The director felt that the progress she had seen from her since June, made her believe she would do so well in a family.

Although she is five, she is not functioning at the age of five year old.  She doesn’t speak yet.  We are hopeful that she will blossom in our family.  I was so concerned that she would be regressing at this institution, but she has progressed.  Amazing!  They were talking while we were there about the orphanage system and how awful the place is where the kids go after they leave this institution.  The director said that she has seen kids die within three months of being transferred there.  Hearing this really reaffirmed to Michael and I why we will travel half way around the world three times to bring a little girl into our family.

After today, we have a better understanding of how she is going to change our lives.  We know this might not be easy.  Will it affect Sophie?  Of course.  I hope it will give her more compassion and patience for others.  We appreciate those of you who are supporting us.  We are so, so grateful.  We loved our time with her today and look forward to seeing her again tomorrow!

Every child deserves a Daddy's love.

Day 3: Medical exam and SDA Appointment

Friends, before I give you a play by play of our day, let me just say…..WE PASSED our medical exams!  We are thrilled and so relieved! Praise God!  We give Him all the glory.  Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers!

Okay, now let me back up.

I was so tired when we got here last night, that I just knew I would sleep so well.  I didn’t.  I couldn’t sleep.  I don’t know if it was because I couldn’t stop thinking about our appointment or because I kept checking my blood sugar, because it was too low. I kept having some sugar, but I didn’t want to have too much and have it go too high. We weren’t supposed to eat anything before our appointments, so I had to watch it carefully as it got closer to the morning. 

Our day started with me frying my flat iron and also my thumb.  Our adapter/converter has a low and a high switch, I used the low switch but it would come on for a second and then go off.  I switched it to the high option and it started buzzing.  I put my hand on one of the plates and it was cold, so I touched the other side and it was incredibly hot.  OUCH!  It started smoking and I realized I had killed it.  I quickly used it while it was hot.  I think I remember having the same problem with getting my flat iron to work in Ethiopia.  I should have researched it a bit more, I guess.

We left for the appointment at 7:10.  It was still dark, and stayed that way until almost 11:00 am.  I was surprisingly calm.  I just knew I would be so nervous.  I know this was due to everyone praying for peace.  Thank you.  When we arrived we met the Chief of Medicine at the hospital.  She was very nice.  We sat on the couch as she looked over our paperwork.  There were two doctors in the room and they both spoke to us and asked us a few questions.  One of them thought it was so beautiful that we owned a performing arts academy.  After they talked to us, I was feeling pretty good about things until the Chief kept sighing heavily like she was concerned, as she looked over our paperwork.  A little later she said to me, “if only all diabetics could be as pretty as you.”  Well, at least she thought I was pretty. That’s something!

They took us to the lab to do some blood work.  Then we started making the rounds to the other six doctors.  The appointment with the psychologist was very short, in fact the shortest our facilitator had ever seen.  We didn’t object.  When we went to see the neurologist, she began checking my reflexes with a little hammer.  She then told me to remove my shoes and socks and got out a toothpick and started poking me all over my feet.  Yikes!   It didn’t really hurt, but I have to admit, I was a bit concerned when she cam e at me with a toothpick! 

We had to remove our clothes from the waist up twice.  Once for the doctor who does the physical and the other for the oncologist who did a breast exam.  The funny thing to us was, although they were sure to shut the door and our facilitator turned away, they had us standing in front of a window with no curtains. Anyone looking in from outside could see us standing there.  Remember, it was dark outside too, making it even easier to see inside.  Oh well, it is done.

After everything was over, we went back to the Chief’s office and waited on the blood work to come back, so the doctor who did the physical could sign off on it.  In the meantime, the Chief started asking some more questions about my diabetes.  She wanted to see my meter and we showed her the last four results, which were all perfect, since my blood sugar had been low all night.  She had an endocrinologist come in and read the letters from my doctor and look at the numbers on my meter.  She nodded her head and left. 

A little bit later, our facilitator had us start signing papers and then told us we passed!  We found out that the Chief has diabetes too.  Isn’t that amazing?

After we left the hospital we went to our appointment to get our official referral for Constance.  There weren’t any surprises, but we did find out a little more info about her history.  She entered the baby house when she was two months old and lived there until June, when she was transferred to the institution.  That must have been so hard for her.  The baby house was her home for four and half years and then she was removed and went to a completely foreign place.  

We went and bought a curling iron.  The flat irons were too pricey.  I didn’t want to spend a lot of money on something I couldn’t use at home.  We went to the grocery store and came back to our hotel.  We went to the hotel restaurant and had some food, which was much needed, since we didn’t have breakfast.  We are now just relaxing in our hotel room. 

We leave at 8:30 tomorrow morning to meet with the social worker, who will go with us to the institution.  Our facilitator said she isn’t sure how long it will take us to get out there, but she thinks an hour to an hour and a half if there isn’t any traffic.

I will post pictures tomorrow of our little lady!